You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
