Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
