Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
