I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
