RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
