It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
