You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
