Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
