stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
