I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
