at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
