i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
