I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
