this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Randomize
