But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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