Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
