i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize