Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
