New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
