Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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