At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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