Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
