A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
this hospital has no fireball
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
