YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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