Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
