my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Barsexuality is the new black.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
