of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
