You just made me feel so damn special
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
