am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
