I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
