How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Nobody cheats on THIS.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
