Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
