I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
