Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize