New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
