i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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