I'm so fucking centered right now
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
