It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
