I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize