He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
