So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
