does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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