He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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