I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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