Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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