please come you make the beer taste better
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
