theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
