my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
