My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
