there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
