omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
