I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize