i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Still dying that you shit outside
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
