dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
