My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
my poor anus
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
