Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You are the jesus of drinking
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
