I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
