Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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