you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
