if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
