NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize