bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
No subtext here. People are naked.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
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