Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
