No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Randomize
