I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Someone signed my nipple.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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