just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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