Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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